THE TRUTH IS...YOU'RE GONE (JUNG YUNHO/KIM JUNSU)~~Completed

Pairing: HoSU (Yunho/Junsu)
Genre: Angst
Rating: G/PG-13
Length: 2/2
Summary: A love that has no a second chance in life...
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Yunho and Junsu's apartment - Monday 02/05/2020, 7:00 PM
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“Babe, what’s going on?” Yunho asks. “What happened?”


Junsu doesn’t utter a word. His head was bowed down, facing the floor as though it is the most interesting thing to look at.


When the silence is too much for him to handle, Yunho approaches the man. He puts his right arm around Junsu's shoulder as a comforting gesture before he sits next to the unresponsive man on the black leather sofa. Yunho then bends his head low to have a better view of his lover's face and says, “You know you can talk to me, babe.” Yunho does not miss the visible tear that rolls down Junsu's cheek which, doubtlessly, makes him want to straggle the person who is responsible for his love’s pain.



Junsu clears his throat before speaking, “They wish for me to break up with you or…” Junsu takes a breath and sighs, struggling to continue. “…or they will disown me.”




Without a second thought, Yunho knows of whom Junsu is talking about. After all, like Junsu said, it is his fault. Nevertheless, Yunho is taken by the message he just heard from his own lover. The words feel so unreal that he isn't sure is he had heard him correctly.




Before Yunho has the time to return back from his state of shock, Junsu frees himself from the other man's hold. The anger and hurt that had built deep inside of Junsu causes him to blow up on the other man.




“It’s your entire fault. I told you they wouldn't understand or accept us yet.” Junsu turns to his side to face the man, his face red and wet from crying. “Why now, Yunho? Why couldn't you wait a little longer?” Yunho is still not able to response to Junsu's outburst as he stares at the white-painted wall.




Junsu and Yunho's special bond began long before they became SM Entertainment trainees. Yunho and Junsu became a couple after ten years of being friends and working together in a band now called Dong Bang Shin Ki. It had not been love at first sight. It was a love that had developed over time. They worked together all day, breathed the same air at the same time, lived and slept under one roof, ate on the same table, understanding each other so well that it was as if they were able to read each other's mind. Living under one roof and working 24/7 together made it hard not fell for each other's attraction and affection. And when they did, they fell in really deep, to the point where they could no longer get out. That made them inseparable as best friends, band-mates, and lovers.




Later on, they decided to live together despite their manger, family and band-mates' disapproval. It was then that Yunho realized that there was something missing in their perfect world. And Yunho wanted—no, needed to fulfill that missing piece in their lives, which was to let Junsu's family know of their love affair. After all, if Yunho's family did accept them, why wouldn't Junsu's family accept them as well? So, a year ago, Yunho brought up the idea to Junsu who, after months of thinking it over, agreed to confront them.




And now, the outcome is not so great. It seems that Junsu's family is going to be the reason and the only people capable of getting in between them for first time since the time they called themselves as a couple. Is Yunho wrong for wanting Junsu's family's acceptance of their relationship or is Junsu just overreacting, thinking that this was the end of the world? Yunho doesn't regret wanting their families in their lives. At the same time, he feels guilty for causing all of this trouble for his lover. Yunho knows how much Junsu loves his family. He does not need to be told to know that family means a lot to his lover after all this time. Maybe, Yunho should have taken the time to consider Junsu's feelings. Perhaps, Junsu is not ready to take their relationship to this level…




Right now, Yunho just wants to focus on his lover and make him understand that they still have each other. Junsu needs to see that he will always be there for him, regardless of their families being there or not for them.




“Su...” Yunho calls out his lover's name only to get a silent response, so he turns to his side to ask why the man is still silent. Yunho freaks out when he sees that Junsu's spot next to him is now empty. He wants to ask how the heck did Junsu manage to skip out without his knowledge, but then who is going to answer him?




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Yunho and Junsu's apartment - Monday 02/05/2020, 10:00 PM

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Yunho's POV:




Despite of the TV's noisiness filling the room, I can only hear my own unbalanced breathing and my restless heart beat. The lights are on but I still feel like I'm stuck in darkness. Nothing feels or seems right for the obvious reason; Junsu's tardiness.




For the past three hours, I’ve been waiting and waiting since Junsu had walked out of the apartment before I even had the chance to stop him. I have been watching the time since then, seated on one of the armchairs in the living room while watching TV. It seems Junsu isn't going to come back any time soon. As much as I want to go out and look for my babe like a crazy man, I have not the slightest idea where to look for him. I called him hundred times and he refused to pick up or text me back, which indicates that the man wishes to not be located at all. I can understand that he needed alone time, maybe to clear his mind since he is angry. The question is that isn't one or two hours enough?




I'm very patient person, even more patient when it comes to Junsu. Tonight, I'm out of patience. There were too many reasons as to why I am worrying to death. One, Junsu is not in a good state. He is angry at everyone, perhaps including me. Two, he is alone at this time of the night. Because he is a celebrity out there with no one or no protection whatsoever, many things could happen to him. I don't even want to name one. I could go on with a list of the reasons why I'm sitting here going bananas over his agitation.




I sit at the edge of the chair so that the moment I hear the door unlock, I'll be out there in a second to greet him. Sadly, that hasn't happen yet. I'm out of options or ideas as to what to do next, besides hold myself here in this empty house like a prisoner. Cautiously, I look at the clock hanging on the white wall every now and then. Every time the clock tickles, my eyes blink along as if I'm competing with the time. Just staring at it, two hours pass without moving myself from my seat. Just like that, the clocks hits midnight.




After what seemed like hours, my eyes begin to close despite my inner fight to not fall asleep until my babe comes home. It is hard not to when I'm mentally and physically exhausted due to all day’s restless activities. I fall then into a deep sleep as if I had not slept in days.




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Tuesday 2:00 AM

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Suddenly, the phone rings, startling me from my peaceful sleep. As light a sleeper as I am, I always wake up from at the slightest noise. I rub my eyes with my fingertips before I can fully see. Not understanding why I’m awake in the middle of the night, I move my head to my right the left to observe my surroundings.




I realize that I'm currently in the living room, lying on the sofa. The TV is still on and so are the lights. Curious to know what time it is, I look up at the clock that hung on the wall. It is two in the morning. It takes me a moment before a realization comes to my tired mind. I remember why I'm in the living room in the first place... I fell asleep on the couch while I was waiting for Junsu. Oh my, Junsu. I begin to panic. Junsu hasn't returned from god-knows where yet.




Instantly, my attention goes back to the phone that is ringing continuously. Quickly, I bend down to grasp the phone from the glass table beneath my legs. The moment I pick up the phone, some kind of déjà vu feeling runs through my blood. Whatever it is, it is definitely not a good feeling. Though I ignore it. All I can think about right now is Junsu. I need to know where in the world is he. This must be him, I think to myself as I quickly flip it open, not caring to check who the caller is.




After hearing a few words from the person on the other line, I freeze in my spot. My breath is stuck in my throat, making me unable to reply to the information that I just received. This is such unexpected and shocking news that I find myself unable to move as my whole body is glued to the soft sofa. I start to shake as if I had just seen a ghost. The true is this is worse than seeing a ghost.




Still sitting in the same spot on the couch, my eyes coincidentally catches the frame picture of me and Junsu that hung on the wall beneath the clock. All I can imagine is that picture frame being broken into two pieces. I close my eyes unbelievingly, wishing all of this was just a dream.




A moment passes before I find myself heading for the front door after hanging up the phone. I grab my jacket and car keys before walking out of my flat. I close the door behind me and run downstairs to the first floor. Somehow, I am able to calm myself before losing my mind completely.




Without giving myself a moment to take in the pleasant night weather, I get into my car that is parked right outside of the apartment. Wasting no time, I start the engine right away and drive my way to the hospital address given to me on the phone. Still shaking as I drive, I take my cell out of my packet and dial my best friend's number.




My friend picks up, taking me by surprise because I didn't think he would pick up at this hour. I start cursing at myself for waking him up in the middle of the night but I also want to laugh at him when I hear him humming nonsense into the phone, but I don't. I don't think I can ever smile again, let alone laugh anymore. I feel the tears that I’ve been holding back so far roll down my cheeks. I force myself to speak to the person on the phone while my body, mind and heart scream my lover's name...Junsu, Junsu, and Junsu.


TBC

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Seoul Hospital - Tuesday 6:00 AM
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For more live action, all kinds of reporters from TV, radio, and paparazzi gather outside of the Seoul hospital. Four hours earlier, Kim Junsu, the member of a well-known boy band, DBSK, got into a hit-and-run car accident while on his way back to his apartment. The damage was so bad that he had to be sent into the ER room. All the media groups did not waste time as they made their way to the Seoul Hospital where Junsu is currently hospitalized. How the media was able to get hold of the news so fast is mysterious.




Suddenly, DBSK's vehicle comes through the crowd, and the reporters raise their cameras up in the air, eager to capture a glimpse of the guys. The cameras start clicking and reporters throw one question after another the moment the three DBSK members get out of the car. It is not a piece of cake to walk through the crowd, however, with help of their security guards, staffs, and manager, the three men walk through the main entrance of the hospital easily.




“How are they able to get here before us?” the youngest of the three, 31, complains. “Is it too much to ask to have this day without them getting on our nerves?” he whispers to his two hyungs, who were standing beside him, waiting for an elevator to stop on their floor.




“What were you expecting, Changmin?” the oldest of three, 35, says.




“Damn it, guys. We have yet to see our Junsu. Here you are wasting your energy on the annoying media for God's sake,” the middle of the three, 33, says angrily.




The other two agree silently. Then the elevator final stops at their floor. The three men, without their manager or staff members following them, get inside the elevator. The oldest of three presses the tenth button. As the elevator rolls up, they all take in a deep breathe at the same time, getting ready for what they were about to face.




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Yunho's POV:

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For me, hospital is not a strange place; I have been visiting the hospital more than an average person does during their life time. It did save my life countless times, but not the lives of my loved ones. Not long ago, I lost my beloved grandparents one after the other from sudden heart attacks while at the hospital. Ever since then, I’ve grown to hate it; even the name itself upsets me sometimes.




I just never imagined that I would have to come back to this place once more. And this time, the reason that I'm at the hospital is not for me or for a family member, but it’s for the love of my life, Kim Junsu. When I received the news, which was at two in the morning, it was a moment that I could never forget.




Currently at the Seoul hospital, I'm in verge of losing my mind right because I have no idea what to do. I have been walking back and forth in front of the room that Junsu was placed in for the past hours. By now, my eyes were twice as big as before due from crying my eyes out. I never imagined this day would come. It was hard to see Junsu like that; his body as still as a dead corpse on the bed he was placed on after he had gotten out of surgery. How I wish it is me instead. I would do anything to switch position with him. The sight was so unbearable that I couldn't bear being inside the room for longer than a minute, which was why I'm outside instead. The doctors have told me to go home and rest repeatedly, but I refused to be separated from Junsu once again.




Now after what seems like hours, I feel like my legs are about to give out on me. It’s better to go and sit on the bench in the waiting area for awhile. Not long after I sat down, I felt familiar arms wrap around me suddenly. I do not need to look up to see whom those arms belong to because I know they belong to my best friends and long time band-mates who were like my own brothers. I hug them back, trying very hard to hold back the tears that were ready to fall again. “I... Junsu, he…he hasn't woken up.”



“It'll be alright. Don't lose hope. He'll wake up. Junsu won't leave us,” JaeJoong says as he rubs my back.




I knew his words were supposed to make me feel better and I was thankful for that. I just wished that what Jae said was true, but I knew that it wasn’t. Today is the proof; proof that our so-tight-bond, like everything else, never stays forever, not even the love of my life that was now lying lifelessly. There was not much hope left for me. Is there honestly any?




“Yeah, he is right. No one knows what will happen, Yunho-hyung,” Changmin whispered. I wanted to take his words for it, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to give myself false hope. I cried in their arms, not caring about my supposedly strong leading image anymore.




I pulled away from the group hug and I looked up only to realize that their eyes were full of tears. Obviously, they were doing a good job holding them back, unlike me.




“I'm sorry,” I apologized. “Sorry for breaking down like this,” I felt guilty for the fact that I couldn’t be the strongest one for them in this situation as their leader. And there was no doubt in my mind that they felt any less pain than me.




“Now, let’s go inside and see our Junsu.” I got up from my seat and dragged my exhausted body as I lead them to the room Junsu was staying in.




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Junsu and Yunho's apartment - Thursday 12:00 PM

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In the middle of the night, a phone call wakes Jung Yunho from his restless sleep. After a single ring, he is fully awake as if he has been anticipating it. That is not the case. For the past three days, even if he forces himself to fall asleep, all he does is recall the last events and worry about his beloved who is currently at the hospital. That causes him to wake up in the middle of the night or whenever he hears the smallest noise.




He slips out from under his bed sheets and reaches out for the phone that is on the night table beside his bed. The second he makes contact with the metal item, his stomach turns upside down. Here he goes again, that same déjà vu feeling. He recalls a phone call he had three days ago at two in the morning. Last time, it had been a call about Junsu's incident, which had been heartbreaking. Now, what could it be? Nothing could be worse than being told that his lover is in the hospital. He will find out in a second anyway.




As much as he is scared to find out what the call is about, he takes a long breathe before putting the phone to his ear.




“Hello?”

“Mr. Jung?”

“Yes?”

“I'm sorry, Mr. Kim is-”




The phone falls out of his hand and smashes onto the hard floor. He couldn't feel a thing. His heart was as froze as ice and he wouldn't have felt the prick of a needle if it was pressed to his flesh. Yunho remains still for a moment before the room’s silence is broken by a sudden scream and cry of pain. He holds the bed sheets tightly for his dear life as his body shakes uncontrollably. The thought of never seeing his Junsu, his happiness feels unreal, so unreal that he begins to think that he is in some kind of movie. Then why does it hurt so much? How he wishes he had been right next to his babe before his lover passed away. Was that too much to ask?




For first time he hates and curses the day he was born and the day he fell in love with Junsu. If he hadn't, he would not have lived to see this day. He lied back on the bed as he continues to cry endlessly, until he falls into the dream world from which he wishes to never wake up again. If possible… he wishes that this was a dream and...Junsu, his better half was still alive. He just needs to go and see him at the hospital once he awakens from his unimaginable and horrible dream.

TBC

***

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Junsu and Yunho's apartment - A month later
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Yunho's POV:




It had been a month since my sweetheart was deceased. How can someone just be...gone, when that someone was Kim Junsu? How can God be so blind as to take someone like my Junsu? It feels like yesterday he was here beside me, whispering those three words… I love you.




I could not, would not accept the true that my Junsu won't be here anymore when I opened my eyes or when I woke up in the morning and heard him say good morning, Yunnie. This isn't how it should be or should have been. Since the day of his funeral, I cut myself from the outside world, from my work, from my family, and from my social life completely. I acknowledged that my friends, family, fans, manager were not happy about that. Like I said, nothing matters to me now. Everyone and everything feel less meaningful than they used to be when Junsu was around. Eventually, they all left me in peace.






I was desperate and tired of the empty hole in my heart. I wanted him back so I could breathe again. There wasn’t a thing that I didn’t miss about him. Nor was there a time I spent without being reminded of him in every corner of our home where it was filled with his belongings, pictures and scent. I couldn't bring myself to go near them, let alone touch them. Just knowing that they were there where he had left them, knowing that he wouldn't be here to pick them up, knowing that they wouldn’t be touched by him again was just painful. I sometimes lost my senses as I imagined his beautiful smile; it was beautiful enough to make my heart melt like ice cream. But it disappeared the moment I blinked open my eyes, leaving my longing heart hanging in the air. It was just hopeless. I was hopeless, and my world was hopeless.




I wanted to shout to the world, to God and everyone who cared and ask them why him, why now. People say there was a second chance in life for everything. Where was our second chance? It was just not fair. I didn't want to hear the “life is not fair” thing. When I said that it’s not fair, I meant it’s not fair that he had to leave...so sudden and unprepared....when we still had so much ahead of us. How cruel was that? I knew, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't do a thing to change or undo what was done. If I were a God, he would be the first person I was willing to bring back. Only it wasn’t possible...Ever.




What I wanted right now was to talk to my babe one last time before I prepared myself to take a step toward my future as one heart and soul, not two. Was there a way to do that? Don't think I was a stupid or insane man who wished for a dead person to come back from death. I'm just a hopeless man who wanted to let it out just to ease my pain.




There was one thing I could do, I thought to myself. I got up from my seat and walked up to my bedroom. Once inside, I took out a pen and blank paper from a drawer before returning back to the living room. I sat back down on the couch and made myself comfortable in my seat before starting to write.


~Final Goodbye Letter to Junsu~



Dear Kim Junsu, my sweet melody:




I'm writing you this letter because this is the only way I can have peace of mind. I know it sounds silly, silly that I would write you a letter when I know that it won't ever reach you. Nevertheless, let me do this because I'm lost and can’t find my way anymore. Besides, there is no one on this earth who understands me like you do, Kim Junsu. If you are watching over me somehow, then I won't have to say how miserable I am because you'd know. Days have pass without you by my side. I just cannot believe that I don't have you in my life. I wake up every morning and I expect to find you lying beside me, sleeping peacefully like my favorite angel. When I see no Junsu in sight, the tears force themselves from my eyes, streaming down my cheeks until it reaches the floor.




Selfishly, I dare to ask for one more... I want one more day with you so I can see one more smile on your face. I want to feel your touch and smell your scent one more time. I know, as much as it hurts to know, that this wish can never be fulfill. It hurts every time I move, it hurts every time I breathe, it hurts even more every time I wake up in the morning and I don't see you there beside me. Whenever I call out your name and I only hear silence as a reply, it pains me so much after realizing why -- it is because you are not here anymore. It is just not enough, babe. I still haven't got enough of you. I miss you, can't you understand?.. I never thought our days together would be cut short, so short and sudden that I never got to do what I wished to do with you. I always thought our days would last longer, if not forever. You made me believe that we had so much time, but you were wrong, babe. We are wrong. We never had time, we should have known.




I open my mouth to blame something, someone but there is nothing and no one to blame. That is because I'm alone, Junsu. If I'm to blame someone, nevertheless, it would be your parents. I know, babe. I know that they are your parents and that you love them to death. I also know that if it wasn't for them, I would have never met Kim Junsu because they are the ones who gave birth to you. But, babe, they still took you away from me, away from everything. I'm still bitter that your family and God have taken you away from me. After all we went through building our beautiful memories, they dare to question our love. It is because of them that I lost you. It’s all because of them. Junsu, I want you to know this...They may have taken our future together and the plans we made, but they can never take away the memories we made together. We may never play the music that we never got to play, but I can still hear your heart-melting voice again and again through the songs we made together. Now, who can take that away from me? Maybe, it is not them who took you away from me. God meant this to happen. It was not our destiny to be together as we wished to be. If so, how could that be? I always believed that we were meant to be and we were born to love one another. I still can't believe you are gone....forever. I guess, I'm just going to have to find the strength in me as I keep on looking back on the days we shared although it breaks my heart every time I do.


I still remember, Junsu. Despite the world's disapproval, you still chose to stay with me back then. You loved me and gave me all that I needed and could ever ask for. I would always be thankful for the precious and sweet love you let me experience every single day of my life. Nobody knows what the future holds for me now, but I know life goes on anyway. I don't know how long, but one day, someday, I'm sure I'll see you again. You are gone now, although I'm having hard time accepting that, you'll always remain my precious love until my last breath. No matter what tomorrow brings and whatever I become in the future.



From now on, this much I can promise you... I will laugh, smile, go out with other people, and be the Yunho other people want me to be. But one thing is for sure, I can never be the happy Yunho you used to know, Junsu. I'll never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same. The sun won't rise, the moon won't be as bright as your eyes, the sky will be cloudy, the surroundings will always be....empty without you, Kim Junsu. But you should know this, there will always be a Kim Junsu living in my heart. Your name will live on and so is your love.




Goodbye love,




Jung Yunho, your lover.




~~End of letter~~

I folded the white piece of paper nicely and put in my jeans pocket. By now, I know my face was all wet and my eyes were as red as blood. Will I ever be out of tears? Not that I wanted to stop crying... I only learnt recently that crying sure helps; it made me feel better for the time being. It is crazy how it repeated itself without having hard time whenever I was yearning for him...




I should do what I tended to do now. So, I got up and grabbed my jacket, eye shades and hat before walking out of my apartment. I needed to cover up in case I attracted people's attention. The moment I stepped outside, the breezy wind slapped me in the face. It had been few days since I went out because of lack of interest. It'd be disappointing if I didn't take my time to enjoy this nice day. I closed my eyes and took the time to inhale the refreshing air. I looked up at the sky only to realize that it’s near evening, which was perfect for my cover.




I made a right turn and walked ahead at a slower pace, taking my sweet time moving towards the City Park. The park wasn't far from my place which meant I didn't have to walk longer. So, in a short time, I was already there before I knew it. As I hoped, the park wasn't crowded.




I looked around until I found a good spot to be where not a single person was around. I then sat on the empty spot in the middle of the park. The park wasn't one of the biggest parks nor was it famous enough to attract tourists. That was not why I chose this park. This park was Junsu's favorite place to walk around or to just relax alone after a busy day. He would mostly go out at night or earlier in the morning. That way, he wouldn't attract attention from people, mostly fans. There was only one time when I begged him to take me along. The day turned out to be fun and memorable. Now, it wasn’t mysterious as to why I chose this place.




I looked up above my head and saw tall trees looming above my head. The sky ccould barely be seen. I looked away as my attention went back to the red balloon that I bought on my way here. The ballon that was in my hold swings back and forth as the wind blows over it. I held it out with my arm while I used my other hand to take out the piece of paper from my pocket. Without unfolding the letter, I tied it to the bottom of the balloon. I then continued watching as the balloon shakes back and forth in the wind. Somehow, I am unable to let it go.




I sighed. In a way, it felt like I was letting Junsu go and my heart ached like a fresh wound. It was hard. If I let this go, it meant that I finally accepted the truth, the reality. I never cried as much as I cried over Junsu. Yes, I cried during the time I lost my loving grandparents. This time, it hurts twice as more as it did back then. Junsu is – had been only 32 and he had had so much ahead of him... Most of all, he was my life partner. We were supposed to grow old together, not part when we were only half way.




I guess that I just had to accept God's decision. Yeah, God must have a plan for me. I just had to wait and find out...without Kim Junsu by my side. I kissed the letter one last time as I whispered “I love you” before letting the balloon go. It didn't fly away in an instance; instead, it floated in the air. I stood there watching as it skipped through the air, not planning on going anywhere before it finally disappeared from my sight. In slow motion, I watched it flying in the atmosphere, distancing itself from me and going up to the sky, where it was impossible for me to reach.




When I realized that the red balloon was nowhere in sight, I blew one final goodbye kiss towards the skies above. Who knows, he was probably watching. That thought was not satisfying the least and this may not have been a happy ending, but I could live with it. Even if I couldn't, I'll try my very best for Junsu’s sake. Kim Junsu, my forever love, this was not a goodbye. I was positive to see you in the next lifetime. With that final thought, I shifted my body and started my way back to our - my home... The lonely place where I would never see my dolphin again.


THE END

Since this story is completed I'll be moving it to the finished fanfic section

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