WHAT IF.... (JaeJoong, Changmin, and Yunho)~completed

Pairing: Jaemin (main) Jaeho (side)
Rating: pg-pg13
Genre: romance, angst
Length: 6/6 (completed)

NOTE: It is mostly in Changmin's POV.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




~Someone swept your heart away
I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today~


CHANGMIN's POV:

I sat on the front porch of my house reading one of the newly published novels. I was really into what I was reading when my hyung interrupted me.


“Changmin!”




“What's up, Junsu hyung?” I asked despite my annoyance. Junsu hyung, although he was a year older than me, was like a man who never grew up. I didn't mean physically, but mentally. Otherwise, how could someone act and be like a sixteen-year-old who never got tired and is always energized and ready to jump in the air? That was just my theory, of course.




“For first time, we are going to be the best men. This is going to so much fun.”

“Hyung, you lost me. Could you first tell me who is suddenly getting married?

“Sorry, the excitement got the best of me. Anyway, it’s Jae-hyung and Yunho-hyung. And--”

He paused as if something had stopped him from continuing. He then turned his head slowly to face me and studied me like a book.

Then he shouted, “Oh shit! You didn't know, did you?”




I didn't know how I looked like at that moment and I had no desire to know. However, I could feel my expression changing dramatically. I felt my body tensing up like I had just seen a ghost. Only this wasn't anything like a ghost.




I chuckled in disbelief. “Hyung, don't joke like that. There is no way-” I didn't need to say no more. He was serious. He looked at me with his sad and empathic look. I couldn't breathe for a moment. In an instance, I got up and ran. I heard Junsu hyung's voice calling after me, but I ignored it. I ran and ran to the one place I could find that person. I needed to know this was for real... not a dream.




~It's just a dream of mine coming to an end
And how can I blame you when I built my world around,
The hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends…~



I met JaeJoong in my first year of college. I was a freshman who was teased by almost everybody, but JaeJoong. I didn't fall in love with him because he had been there for me or did things for me. I fell in love with him because of who he was. He was a guy who never cared about what others thought of him and would do anything for those he cared for and loved.

His kind heart never hesitated to help those who were in need of comfort and love. He became the first and only who I had opened my heart to. He was a very important person in my life and in everything I do. Basically, he was involved in everything I did and wherever I went.



In my point of view, I thought Jae-hyung and I were more than just friends; both in my dreams and in reality. Other people including those our closest friends thought of us as inseparable best friends and that we completed one another in everything we do, say or look. Sadly, JaeJoong thought we were just like two brothers despite not being blood related.

Because of those reasons, I was forced to keep my love hidden. I spend the past few years hiding my love for my best friend. My hope that one day he would change his mind and we would become more than just friends helped me to stay positive. That was until this guy named Jung Yunho came into the picture.


***

~PART TWO~~




CHANGMIN'S POV:


What hurt the most about this situation was the fact that I had to hear such big news from other people, not from Jae himself. I just wish I had known that his day would come.

It had taken all my strength to be able to face him. I could feel my heart beating furiously. I hated it, how every time I was in his presence, his as big dot eyes took my breath away. I had to force myself to calm down. I sat down on his couch in the living room and he sat across from me.


“Jae Hyung, what is going on?” I asked coldly.


I never used this tone of voice when I spoke with him. But today, he betrayed me. I hurt so much. It was the end of my world. This wasn't something as small as fighting over a stupid game like Jae and I used to do. He was getting married and leaving me. It broke my heart. I didn't care what Jae or anyone else thought. Jae wasn't just a best friend, he meant everything to me. Could anyone blame me for acting like it was the end of the world?


“Minnie, there is no need to get angry.”


“Why shouldn't I be angry?” I yelled at him.


I swore-I was losing my mind and I hated it because I've never felt like this before. It was all new to me. I never raised my voice at him, not even once since we had been together.



“And why are you angry?” He asked.



“Because I'm not happy with what I heard, Jae-hyung. If what I heard is true, why didn't I hear it from you? Since when did I become the last person on your list of people to tell?”




“Minnie, I did not tell anyone-”




I cut him off. I didn't want to hear his nonsensical excuses. “I know why. It is because you do not need me anymore because you found someone who you can share your happiness with. Isn't it?”




“How can you say such thing, Minnie? I have told you before and I'm going to tell you once more. No one, no one could ever replace you. I don't even know where you are getting all of those crazy ideas.”




I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. How could I believe him when he forgot all about me the moment the man he loved proposed to him. If the Jung Yunho could make him forget me for a moment, then there was no guarantee that he would remember me once he left. I had no hope left.




“You are just overreacting. It was Yunho who told the others that he proposed to me. It wasn't me, Minnie.”




Okay, maybe I did overreact. It still didn't heal my broken heart although. He made me believe that he would never leave me no matter who came and went our lives. How silly of me to think that some day he wouldn't forget that I existed. Why? I loved him even before Jung Yunho came in to his life.




“Did--” I asked him although I already knew the answer. “--you accept it?” I still wanted to hear it from him.




He did not hesitate. He did not think twice. In fact, it felt like he was eager to say it out loud. “Yes, I did accept it.”




What did this man have that I didn't? Maybe, just maybe if I had confessed earlier, things would have turned out differently. It would probably have been another rejection because it was obvious that the man saw me as his best friend or like a younger brother. My only hope was that someday I would win his heart and he would learn to love me back. It was hopeless, just a hopeless dream.



“It's okay, hyung.” I paused and then let out a bitter laugh. “You were just waiting for the right moment to tell me. “ -It was a lie. Nothing was okay. Nothing he did or said would make things better because he, after all, was leaving me whether I liked it or not.“So, when is the big day?”




“It is on July...”




He went on tell me the details, but I heard nothing. All I could think of was: how five years of dreams I had built suddenly turned to dust. Was I a fool to believe that one day things would change? I never thought it would until today. Today everything I held dear to my heart was shattered.




I had no right to blame him. The guy had no idea of my desires. As much as I wanted him to know, there were so many reason that held me back. One of the reasons was that I didn't want to destroy our friendship. The friendship we treasured. I rather lose the love of my life than to lose his friendship.




“ Minnie, are you okay?” he asked when I didn't say anything.




“Oh, I'm fine. I'm just...happy for you.” Another lie came out of my mouth. My eyes blurred with unshed tears and I couldn't let him see this emotional side of me. I needed to leave.




“ You know, I just remembered that I'm supposed to meet a friend of mine. I'll talk to you later--” I told him quickly.




That was totally made up, but I did not care. I needed to come up with a reason to leave. I did not give him a chance to reply. I got up and ran out of his apartment. I ran for the second time today. I ran for myself and away from years of dream.




~~***~~'







~One week later~




“Minnie, I have always known how much you loved Jae-hyung.” Another a good friend of mine said to me. Did he have to and remind me of my useless my love story?




“How long have you known?” I asked, although I did not really care. “ Does anyone else know?”




If he had said it a week ago, then I would have had a good reason to be shocked or surprised. However, today nothing mattered any more. I didn't care who knew about my broken heart.




“I don't know. Probably, Junsu,” his said with a sympathy that I did not want to hear from anyone.




I was already mentally broken. It had been a week since I had seen Jae and as much as I missed him, I didn't dare see or talk to him. After I ran out of his apartment, I avoided the outside world completely. I did not want to explain my mood changes to receive any sympathy. Most of all, I could not afford to break down in front of my friends. I succeeded until today-Yoochun-hyung decided to break down my door when I refused to open it. Why couldn't they just leave me alone?




“God, Minnie. I hate seeing you like this. You are a mess and it is easy to tell that you are not eating properly.”




“----.” I couldn't argue with him. It was true, but then I did not care. What was the point of taking care of myself when I had nothing to look forward to? I lowered my head so that I wouldn't have to look at him.




“You know, you don't need to act tough. I'd understand.”




“Why, Hyung? I need to hide, otherwise--”




He cut me off. “I know it hurts, Minnie. Just let it out.”




I could no longer hold back the tears. I finally lost my pride. “I don't...want to breakdown, Yoochun hyung.”. I felt so weak my body shaking. He was right. It hurt more when I tried to act strong and pretend like I wasn't feeling the pain.




He did not let me cry alone. He came right up to me and held me in his arms. This was the first time I cried on someone else's shoulder, other than Jae. What a fool I had been. Even at this breaking moment, I still thought of him, the man who didn't even bother to see how I was doing.




“Why?” I asked, crying. I started throwing out one question after another. “Why not me, hyung? What do I lack?” After the last question, I pushed Yoochun away. He let me go and sat next to me.




I did not expect an answer from him, but he was willing to try at least. “If I were Jae-hyung, I would give you the answers, but I'm not him. So, all I can suggest is that you try to talk to him. He needs to know how you feel about him, Changmin. You can't expect him to understand if he does not know anything. You can't keep it secret from him anymore. You are going to kill yourself acting like this.”




“How could I do that? He is getting married, Yoochun hyung. He is happy and I can't do anything to destroy his happiness. Besides--” I paused. My tears were now unstoppable. “I know for a fact that he doesn't love me like I love him.”




“But you do not know for sure because you never asked. Trust me, knowing is better than not knowing. I'm saying this from experience.”




“Huh?” I looked up instantly. Did I hear him right?




“Yeah. I once confessed love to a friend of mine from college. Although it didn't turn out the way I wanted, I at least got to know how she felt. Of course, it hurts at first but it is always worth a try.”




“I never knew.”




“I know. The thing is that if you do find out how he feels about your feelings, at least you won't have any regrets later on. But if you decid to give up because you are scared of finding out the truth, you will spend your life time wondering what if. Do you want to live your life with regrets?”




“I don't know. I don't know, hyung.”




“Just do not give up on him, Changmin, and don't lose hope. People are full of surprises so you never know what will happen if you give it a try-”




“Thanks, Yoochun hyung. It means a lot to me.”




“You can always count on me and I will not hesitate to be here for you. I'm sure Junsu would say the same thing. Remember that!”




“I know. I know, you will. Thanks for being here today.” -I said and return his hug.



TBC


Even if I lose him, I thought to myself, I still have Yoochun and Junsu hyung.

~PART THREE~



JAEJOONG'S POV:


“Babe.”


It has been two weeks since I last saw Changmin...




“Honey.”




I'm really worried about him. I'm left wondering:, is he doing okay? Is he overworking himself? Is he eating healthy food, not some junk foods? Is he--




“Jae!”




Mostly, I wonder what I did to piss him off to the point that he stopped talking to me at all. Why is he angry at me? Isn't he supposed to be happy for me?




“KIM JAEJOONG!” My lover's loud voice brings me back to earth.




Right now, we are seated at the dining table, having our dinner together as usual. Unfortunately, I'm in lost in thoughts about Changmin, which is why Yunho is trying to get my attention.






“Yunnie, why are you yelling? I'm right in front of you, you know,” I say, glaring at him.




This is my official finance, Jung Yunho. I met him a year ago while on my way to Changmin's place. I fell in love with him at first sight. I never believed in “ love at the first sight” until I met him. He is just perfect in all areas, body, mind, and heart. It was like we were meant to be together after one fateful meeting. Then just after dating for six months, he took my offer to move in with me in my not-so-big apartment. So far, there haven't never been any complain. We have never been happier or at least that is what I think.




Although we are having a dinner at the moment in the dining room, I'm thinking about nothing but Changmin. I think that is why he is trying to get my attention by yelling out my name.




“Are you really?” he asks but it sounds more like a statement to me.




“Of course, I'm right here in front of you, can't you see? ”




“Aush..” Yunho mummers frustratedly” I know you are here physically, but not mentally. I called you three times already and you didn't even hear me until I yelled your name..”




Geez, why is he making a big deal out of this? And what does he mean by that? Never mind, I'm not even going to think about it. My mind is already full with worrisome thoughts. “I'm sorry, babe.”




“I know this isn't the first time and it isn't going to be the last. You have been spacing out more than you talk to me. What's going on?”




“Yunnie, I was just thinking about Changmin. I'm worried about him. That is all. What were you saying, anyway?”




~Silence~




He lowers his head and says nothing. I can tell his body is tensing.




“You okay, Yunnie?” I ask, thinking I might have said something wrong.




“Changmin,” Yunho suddenly says Changmin's name mockingly. “Changmin, Changmin, Changmin, it is all about Changmin. When is it going to be about me?” He pauses.




My jaw drops, my mouth is wide open, and my eyes are wider than before. It is just surprising. I haven't seen this side of him until today. Before continuing, he lifts his head up and looks at me. “ Most importantly, when is it going to be about you and me?” he asks angrily.




Where is he going with this, I ask myself. “What is your problem?” I ask, trying not to sound angry or annoyed. If I have to admit, I'm more annoyed than angry. Where does this sudden mood change come from?




“You are obviously not listening, Jae. Of course, you wouldn't listen when all you think about is Changmin; Changmin all day and night. I honestly do not want to dislike this so-called-best friend of yours, but you are giving me enough reasons to hate him now.”




Silence fills the room once again.




“I'm sorry, Yunho. You know I love you and you only. It is just that Changmin and I are having a little problem at the moment--”




“Sorry is not going to change a thing, nor is it going to make things better for us.”




“Yunho, you are taking this the wrong way.”




“No, Jae. I don't about you, but I'm getting tired of this. Now, it is up to you.”




Did he just say what I think he said? What is it that is up to me, I wonder.myself. “What do you mean by that, Yunnie?” I ask, as calmly as possible.




He sighs before speaking. “It is up to you to decide what it is that you want.”




“God, just say what you are trying to tell me, instead of going around in circles”




“Fine. What is more important to you, love or friendship?”




“---” It takes me a moment to understand what he is asking of me. “WHAT?” At the exact moment the words come out of my mouth, I slam my palms on the table, not caring if I break the table or not. I feel tears streaming down my cheeks and I don't know if it is from anger or hurt.




“I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry that it has come down to this,” he says, avoiding my eyes.




“Yunho, he is my best friend and you are my lover, how could you ask me to choose?”




This time he looks up and looks me in eye. “You must know that I love you, Jae.”




“Yunho--”




“You do not have to tell me now. You have all night to think about it. I'm going to bed now,” Yunho says as if what he has just suggested to me a moment ago is nothing more than a friendly advice.




Before I have a chance to protest again, he leaves the dining room. For the first time, I question this man I thought was my soul-mate, my other half. He knows how much Changmin means to me as a best friend and someone I treasure in my life like no one else. He knows how much Changmin's four years of friendship means to me.




How dare he ask me to choose between love and friendship? This is not happening to me.




~~***~~




~The next day~




“Jae-hyung, what is going on?” Junsu asks the angry looking man. Junsu came to JaeJoong's house after Jae called and urged him to come over.




“I'm going crazy. I do not know what to do anymore, Junsu.”




“Calm down, Jae-hyung. First, tell me what happened,” Junsu said calmly.




Jae takes a breath before letting his heart out to Junsu about everything that happened between him and the two most important men in his life, Changmin, his best friend and Yunho, his lover.




After listening to JaeJoong's story, Junsu decides to speak his mind.




“Changmin is not the kind of a guy who would stay angry for a long time, especially at his best friends. However, the reason he is not talking to you is because he is mad at you, so he must have a very good reason.”




“The thing is that I don't even know what the reason is or what I exactly did,” Jae sighs.




“Anyway, I wonder if you or anyone else has seen him or talked to him while I was gone. Despite our problems, I still worry about how he is doing. ”




“If I'm not mistaken, I think Yoochun did visit him at his apartment last week. I didn't get the chance to ask Yoochun what went down on that day. All I know is that Changmin isn't being himself either.”




“What, what do you mean?”




“ I mean, he is not being the Changmin that we all know. You know, the outgoing, sociable, and athletic Changmin. Obviously, it has to do with what you just told me.”




~Silence~




“You know, this is too much, Yunho is driving me crazy and I don't know what to do about him.”




“Yunho, he is just a little jealous of the fact that you are not paying attention to him these days. I still think that he is also being unreasonable and selfish for not understanding the situation.”




“That is not the worst part. He..he asked me--”




“He asked what, Jae-hyung? I hope he did not ask for a breakup.”




“Break-up would have hurt less because that doesn't involve a third person, Junsu.”




“What do you mean? What else could he ask of you--”




“He asked me to choose between love and friendship.”




“He wants you to choose between him and Changmin?”




“Why would he do this to me, Junsu?”Jae asks, tears falling from both eyes.




“I...I don't know what to say.” After a pause, he continues. “ I have never been in this kind of situation before.” Junsu says feeling guilty for not being helpful.




Junsu hesitates before asking, “but do you think you can choose?”




“Of course, not, Junsu.” Jae almost shouts as if he is talking to Yunho. When he realizes that he is actually talking to Junsu, he lowers his voice before continuing. “I have known Changmin for the past four years of my life. He has been there for me every day and night. He is like family to me. I can not bear leaving him just because my so called lover asked me to.”




“About leaving...Yunho?”




“I can't leave him either. I love him so much. I have known that he is my other half the minute I met him. He..he completes me, Junsu,” Jae sighs hard. “The point is, I'm not going to leave my love for friendship, nor the other way around.”




“God, how did you get yourself into this mess, hyung.”




“You just realized it now?” Jae asks sarcastically.




“Okay, here is what I think you should do. First, figure out what the problem is between you and Changmin, such as what made him so angry that he refused to talk to you. If I may say, Jae-hyung, I really think this is kind of weird and strange. This must be something big.”




“Junsu, don't you think I know that? It would just be better if I knew what it is. Not knowing is really frustrating.”




“Anyway, your next step is to find a way to convince Yunho that your friendship with Changmin will not be a problem anymore and that you love him, and only him..”




“He doesn't seem to listen to what I have to say anymore,” Jae says, disappointed “How am I supposed to convince him?




“Prove it to him by making some changes.”




“Like what?” Jae asks.




“Like after resolving the problem with Changmin, make some distance with Changmin and spend more time and paying full attention to your lover. Of course, do that without hurting my beloved Changmin or you will have a problem with me.”




“But--”




Junsu cuts him off and says, “no complaining if you want this to work.”




“Okay, and what if Yunho insistes that I make the decision.”




“If he still insists, be honest with him and tell him that there is no way you're going to choose one the other. Then the decision will be up to him this time around. He will have to decide to either stay or leave you. If he decides to leave, let him be. You'll find someone else who deserves you, not a selfish bastard like him.”




“I'll pretend I didn't hear the last words, but thanks, my dolphin boy.” Jae says and goes up to hug his friend. Junsu gladly returns the hug. “There is one more thing.”




“What is it now, Hyung?”




“Since Changmin is refusing to answer any of my calls, I'm gonna need help to meet him without him knowing it is me.”




“Don't worry about that; that big forehead and I will definitely come up with something.”




Both chuckle. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Jae asks.




“I don't want my precious heart to be broken so I don't wanna hear it.”




“That is a smart move, Kim Junsu,” Jae giggles. “But seriously Junsu, thank you for today. If you hadn't come, I would have gone insane by now.”




“Anything for my precious, good-for-nothing friend.”




“Again, I'll pretend like I didn't hear that.”




“Good. You know, sometimes pretending helps heal the pain.”




“Okay, enough with your theories today.”




“I take that as a clue to leave before that uptight lover of yours comes home.”




“Hey, better stop calling him names before I spill your secret.”




“That's so not fair,” Junsu whines. He gets up and heads to the front door while Jae follows him. “Hyung, will you kill me if I tell you one more thing?”




“What is it?”




“I'm the one who told Changmin the news.”




“You what?”




“Sorry, it just slipped out of my mouth.” Junsu runs for the door before Jae has time to move and he slams the door behind him.






“Ashi, that little brat.”

TBC

hello, I'll be moving this topic to the fanfic section since its not yet completed. theses posts go in that section and once it is finished add completed to the title *by editing original post) and we'll move it to the finished fanfic section.

Forum Mod: Kyn

~PART FOUR~





Monday morning. 8:00 AM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




“So, what is it going to be?” Yunho asks as he looks me in the eye.




I'm standing, leaning aganst the kitchen counter, a mug filled with hot coffee in my hand as I look back at the man who is sitting at the coffee table. We always wake up early in the morning so we can have time to get ready and also have breakfast together before parting for work. God, can't this man at least give me time to solve things first. It is early in the morning for God sake.







I shift to my side to put the coffee on the counter before turning back to face him. I feel like giving him a piece of my mind, but I know it won't do any good.




“Yunho, just give me some time, will you? I'm going to try to talk with Changmin today. After I solve our problem, I'll do whatever you want me afterward.”




“Jae, if you haven't forgotten, you are not engaged to him. You are engaged to me, and only me,” he reminds me as he too puts down his coffee mug. “You should be worrying about our engagement event and wedding. You shouldn't be concerned with that childish man who doesn't take care of his own problems.”




This man is seriously looking for trouble. He is testing my patience, which I think is really a bad idea.




“Enough, Yunho. First of all, I know that I'm engaged to you and no one else,” I say looking at him up and down. “Second, you seriously do not know Changmin, so you have no right to talk about him that way. He is, after all, my best friend, not yours.” I use all my strength to keep my voice low. I don't see any reason to yell so early in the morning. “Third, I'm going to be honest with you. The way I see it, no one is as childish as you right now.”




“So, now you are taking his side,” he looks me in the eye as he says that.




“God, listen to yourself,” I sigh, feeling frustrated by his childish way of thinking. “Yunho, you should know that when you marrying me, you are not just marring me but all the people in my life. So, deal with it.” I dare not break eye contact, so he knows that I'm not backing away from this easily. We are yet to be married and he is already treating me like his wife. What the heck is he thinking?




“Somehow, I have a feeling that we're not going to get that far--” he puts down his coffee on the coffee table before continuing. “Anyway, I expect you to solve whatever problem you have with your 'best friend' by tonight,” he says and bends down to pick up his suit case. He approaches me and gives me a kiss on my lips. “ Then we'll talk about our future peacefully,” he states without any hesitation. He turns and heads for the door. Before I know it, he disappears from my sight.




What a nice way to start my day...

...+++...




Monday afternoon. 2:00 PM. City Park.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'




I'm seriously planning on destroying my best friends. I think I could live without three best friends, couldn't I? Maybe not. Life is even crazier without a friend to cheer me up once in a while.




It is just that these days, I have lost interest in my social life. It is not secret why. After I found out about JaeJoong engagement, things have never been the same. Until today, I did a pretty good job avoiding the outside world for awhile, especially Yoochun and Junsu. That is because Yoochun and Junsu happen to be friends with JaeJoong as well, and they all know pretty much everything about each other. So, whenever I'm around them, it is hard not to be reminded of the presence of JaeJoong.




The one person I allowed to see to me so far, which was only one time, is Yoochun-Hyung. He is understanding, and he doesn't force things on me unlike Junsu. That is the reason why I continue to ignore Junsu-Hyung, despite his nonstop attempts to reach me. He doesn't let go of things easily because he doesn't like to let things work out themselves when he can do something about it. With that mind of his, he'd probably force me to go see JaeJoong and do something even if I'm not ready for it. Now who could blame me for doing what I did? Still though, I'd be lying if I say I don't miss Junsu-Hyung. His cheerful self is irresistible.




Okay, back to the reason why I'm thinking about destroying these two people. Today, I had just come back from my last lecture class, when my cell phone rang. I checked the caller's identity and I saw Yoochun's name on the screen. As usual, I decided to let it ring, thinking he'd understand and put it back into my jeans pocket. The moment I started walking back to my place, it rang for a second time. Worried that it must be an important call, knowing that Yoochun wouldn't call repeatedly for no good reason, I picked it up.




The second I heard the person's voice on the other line, I almost dropped the phone. The person on the other line was no one other than Junsu-Hyung. There were too many reasons why I was panicking at that moment. One, I was expecting Yoochun, not him. Two, I didn't prepared a good reason or excuse for ignoring him all this time. And third, I had no idea why he had to trick me by calling me using Yoochun's phone or did Yoochun have a part in this? If he did, he really made me look like the bad guy. He sure will get it one of these days.




Most importantly, Junsu seemed so angry, as if I had stolen his precious item. He murmered some stuff that I didn't understand or couldn't hear properly because he was talking fast in that high pitched voice of his. At the end, all I heard him say was, “I'm waiting for you at the park right at this moment. You'd better show up in less than ten minutes or you are dead. Believe me when I say this... I'll find you wherever you are because you know, you can run but you can't hide from me.”




Because I was in state of confusion and shock, I didn't get to ask a single question about his unreasonable threat. One thing was sure, I was eager to find out what it was that he wante3d.




That is how I ended up here, sitting on the bench at the park, waiting for an angry Junsu to show up.




At the exact moment I turn to my side, I see a familiar figure approaching me. “Damn it, don't let be this person be who I think it is,” I utter under my breath. Shoot, it is him. ”JaeJoong?”




“Hey,” he says with his soft voice. Hesitating, he asks, looking at the spot beside me, “may I sit down?”




I hesitate, afraid of the close contact. Why do I have such a feeling that he is going to bite me if I say- “Yeah, why not?” Of course, he wouldn't bite me literally. I move aside so he can sit down next to me. God, why is it so hard for me to look him in the eye without getting this strange feeling.




He sits next to me, too close for my taste. He doesn't say a word as the silence fills the atmosphere. I look around to make myself busy. The park isn't crowded, only a number of people are walking by and a few of them are sitting by one of the benches. The weather isn't bad either. It is still too chilly for me. Maybe it is the wind, the person who is sitting next to me, or maybe it is something else.




I dare myself to glance to my side and look at the natural beauty sitting beside me. The man looks peaceful, facing the sky above us and his eyes are closed as thought he is praying for a sudden miracle. Whatever he is thinking or imagining, I find myself admiring this pleasant view. Then the memory has to come running back to me, showering me with bitterness. It makes me disgusted for admiring someone else's property. In an instant, I look away and stars at nothing in particular. That is much better.




I have too many questions running through my head. The first question would be, what the heck is he doing here? And why isn't Junsu-




“I'm sorry.”




He cuts off my thought with his apologizy. What is he apologizing for?




“I don't know what I did or said to make you hate even the sight of me,” he explains as thought he senses my confusion. “I still want to say I'm sorry because I miss my best friend.”




Here we go again. He just knows how to touch me deep down with a few words. Although, those last words still hurt me. Best friend. I do not want to be, I can't be his “best friend” anymore. Why is it so hard for him to see that? Besides, whether I am or not, he is still going to leave me with someone who isn't even better than me. Let alone my love for him, our four years of friendship mean nothing, but something he can just leave behind one day when he finds someone better.




“I miss you, too.” Okay, my mind and heart are not cooperating because that is definitely not what I wanted to say.




“So, Min,” he starts. “Can you tell me what the hell I did to you? Because you know, it hurts. It hurts even more when I do not know what I did to deserve such treatment from my best friend.”




I want to tell him, I really do. I just don't think it matters. His rejection only hurts me more and maybe push me farther away from him more than I already am.




“It doesn't matter now, Jae.” I say without looking at him. “Maybe, I'll tell you one day.”


TBC

Kyn wrote:hello, I'll be moving this topic to the fanfic section since its not yet completed. theses posts go in that section and once it is finished add completed to the title *by editing original post) and we'll move it to the finished fanfic section.

Forum Mod: Kyn

Actually, it is finished fic. I'm just in process of posting the whole chapters right now. I'll put 'completed' next to the title.

~PART FIVE~




JaeJoong's POV:

Can anyone explain this to me? Because I don't think I can ever understand. Not once did Changmin complain about my relationship with Yunho, even after I stopped spending as much time as I used to with him, Junsu, and Yoochun before I met Yunho. I don't know why Yunho seems different when it comes to my relationships with other people. Even so, I'm forced to deal with it and make the decision that could possibly make me lose the love of my life....or the friendship that I treasure.

Although I have decided that I will never leave one and be with the other, after meeting with Changmin and clearing the air between us, now I want nothing more than Yunho's approval of my friendship with Changmin. To do that, I need to have a talk with him. I'm not confident this will work knowing how he has been acting... Nevertheless, that is the only hope that is left for me.


Gathering bit of courage, I turn to take a look at the man before calling out his name... “Yunho?” As usual, we are currently sitting on our bed, leaning against the wall behind us for support. Although he is in the same room, right next to me, I feel like he is out of this world while reading one of the newly published Business Week magazine. Here I am sitting next to him and yet feeling I'm just no better than those items in the room.




He doesn't respond when I try to engage him in conversation, except for an occasional, “hmm.”




I wonder if this man isn't who I thought he was. He seems to care less than he did long before all this happened. Or maybe I'm starting to see the hidden side of him that I was unable to see before we got engaged or started living together. “Could you look at me when I'm talking?” I ask patiently, not wanting to create another worthless argument.




“Okay,” he says as he marks the page before closing it. He then looks up and stares at me, signaling me to continue. “What is it?” he asks eagerly. What I see in his eyes is a warning that says whatever I'm going to say better be worth interrupting his reading. I shake my head wondering when things changed between us. I laugh bitterly when I realize it has not been long ago. “Nothing. Since you told me to come up with a decision by tonight, I thought you--”




“Thanks for the reminder. So, what is it going to be?” he interrupts me. I look and look deeply in his eyes, I still can't find any love or tenderness, but dry and blank emotions.







“Well--” I hesitate with my words, too many questions popping in my head... Do I have the guts to say the things I am about to say? What will his response be? Will this be our last night together? Does he love me enough to stick with me? “--My answer to your question would be that--” a heavy sigh escapes my mouth. What do I fear, I ask myself. I realize he is waiting for me to continue so I take a breathe and say, “-- love and friendship are important to me. So, I choose to leave--” I look away as I say the last words, “--neither.”




~~***~~

~Don't say what you're about to say. Look back before you leave my life.
Be sure before you close that door. Before you roll those dice
Baby think twice~

After I told him of my decision last night, he silently went to sleep. The next morning I woke up, he was busy packing. Yep, packing as in moving out, out of my life for good unless this is just some kind of a dream. But then he proves me this is nothing but reality as he stands at the door way, begging me to take back my words. What comforts me is the fact that he is leaving of his own will because of a jealousy or whatever it is, which is ridiculous.




As he kept his gaze on me, staring at as if this is the last time he would ever look at me like, I ask, “why, Yunho? Why are you doing this to us?”




“Because, Kim JaeJoong, I want you, the whole package, not the half of JaeJoong.” He looks as dead serious as ever. That sometimes childish and approachable facial expressions disappear into the thin air before my eyes.




He, once again, speak his heart out for first time, dropping it all on me like unexpected storm. He never shared his reasons behind his hatred for my best friend before until now. “I'm tired of sharing your love, attention, and care with other people or that “best friend” of yours. God, I hate him so much.”




That makes no sense to me. I have been trying to spare some time from my 24/7 schedule for friends, family, work, and lover. If I don't do that, how am I supposed to devote myself to only my lover? Actually, since I met Yunho, I almost spend all of my time at work and with Yunho. Isn't that selfish of him? He needs to know that he doesn't own me.




“I actually thought--” he says, “ being married to you would change things,” he sighs as he prepares to leave, making me hold in my breath. “ I guess I thought wrong,” he whispers at last. This time, I think to myself, it is over. “Aren't you going to stop me or are you just going to stand there and watch me leave?” he asks, turning suddenly.




We both know and yet he still asks me the most difficult question that I can not answer. What kind of lover would leave just because one refuses to choose a lover over friendship with another? Just thinking about it, tears make their way down to my cheeks until they drop to the ground I stand on. Where is the person that is supposed to wipe the tears away? Because the person that I love would be here in a second to catch it before the tear hits the ground. Why is this easier for him to walk out and harder for me to let him go? I thought this man loved me enough to stay beside me through everything. Isn't that the vow we would have made to each other at the wedding if things were okay?






I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to imagine how my life would be without him. “Yunho...please?” I utter, shaking violently between tears that are running down my cheeks. Could I handle losing this man that I love so much? Would I find someone better than him, someone who can make my knees weak just by one small touch? Lastly, could I ever fall in love again? Nope. I don't think any of that would happen. I want Jung Yunho and no one else. What pains me is to see him walk out when I can stop him by just saying the few words he is dying to hear--.




Instead of coming to me and holding me in his arms and wiping away the unstoppable tears, he says sadly, “I'm sorry,” and slams the door behind him. I fall down on my knees screaming out his name, shouting out for him not to leave me and to come back to me. And I know, even if he hears me, he won't come back and I won't ever heal from this broken heart again...


"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him.” ~Unknown

TBC

~PART SIX~

I WANNA BE by AVANT

~See my life's filled with up and downs
I'm ok when you're around
And when I'm in a storm
and my nights are cold
Reach out your hands for me to hold(for me to hold)
See you're my queen on a throne
and you're the reason
For a song (this song) and I can't wait (cant wait)
to fill you up with love (fill you up with love)~

CHANGMIN'S POV:

Here I am, making my way to Jae's apartment. The road to his place feels strange for some reason. It may be because I haven't been here for a while. The question is why I am here at his place, after promising to myself never to set foot here again, is kind of mysterious.


After my talk with Jae yesterday, all I have been doing is think about everything and anything. One thing I couldn't deny was that I really missed us, I missed him. It was not his fault that I came into his life in the first place. It was a coincidence or perhaps destiny that we met in a situation where he came in as helper and me as the victim. And because of that one fateful meeting, our lives changed forever, if not for good.

Years later, I realized of something that I knew was wrong. I learned my love for him was not just 'brotherly love, but something that went deep down. At first, I did not believe it, so I kept denying it. As time went on, however, nothing I did could make the feeling go away. So, all I could do was keep it under control until a man named Jung Yunho came into the picture. At first, I was okay with them being lovers because I knew I couldn't do anything. That was until I heard that the man had proposed to JaeJoong. Then something inside of me snapped. I felt threatened by him when I thought of him taking JaeJoong away from me more than he already had. And yet, I couldn't do anything when I saw how happy Jae seemed.


JaeJoong has always been there for me whenever I'm sad, happy, or just not being myself. Which is why I now feel bad for being angry because I selfishly want him for myself when in fact, he is happy with someone else. Love can only be given, not forced. I can not be helped if he doesn't feel the same way about me, at least not in an intimate way. This doesn't mean I'm over it though. There are too many reasons that force me to do what I'm about to do. A part of me has chosen his friendship over not having him in my life at all, while another part of me is still in love with him. It is hidden in my heart for the time being.

The other reason is because I want him to be happy. I don't care if I'm hurting inside at the same time. I can live with me being hurt as long as JaeJoong is where he wants to be and is happy. So, I decide to make a peace with him... and his lover which is why I'm heading to his place.

~I wanna be everything your man's not
And I'm gonna give you
every little thing I've got
Cause you are more than a man needs
That's why I say you're truly my destiny~

Just when I'm a few blocks away from Jae's place, I see a familiar figure storming out of the apartment angrily. I stop and watch as the mad man gets in the driver seat, and starts the engine, and drives away. And that person, if I'm not blind, is my best friend's finance. For unknown reasons, the scene gives me a strange feeling. I tell myself that maybe it is not the right time. Agreeing mentally, I turn around and start walking back in the opposite direction.



I stop after walking for about two blocks, when some invisible feeling holds me back. I stand glued to the ground, wondering what is wrong. I have difficulty telling what it is that is bugging me. I feel lost and confused as I stand like a statue, trying to figure out what is that stopping me and my body from making a move. Why does my heart tell me to go back to Jae's place? As my mind continues to analyze the unexplainable situation, my body obeys what my heart is saying. I turn again and start walking back to Jae's place. Taking advantage of my long legs, I walk quickly as though I'm late for an important meeting. I know that there is no need to be in rush. I just can't help it or understand the reason behind my strange actions as I take one step after another. At last, I find myself at the door of Jae's apartment.



I stare at the closed door for a moment before, I hesitantly knock on the door. When I get no answer, I assume that there is no one at home which isn't helping my curiosity. No time to ask a question that I know will not have any kind of answer. It is like I have no control over my actions, as I stretch out my one arm and place it on the door knob before turning it, to test whether it is locked or not. Surprisingly, it is not locked. I push the door open slowly and the door opens a crack. Then I hear another sound, someone's sobbing. Panicking, I quickly open the door wider and let myself in. Before I call out the name that is on the tip of my tongue, My eyes grow wide at the sight before them.



I see JaeJoong, sitting at the edge of stairs looking like a lifeless, broken soul. Hugging his knees close to his chest, arms around his legs and head between his knees. Looking at him like this (guessing Yunho is the cause of this), my blood starts to boil. I can feel my whole body heating up. There is only one thing my mind is telling me to do, which is go after the responsible person and beat the hell out of him until I see his dead bloody body. I quickly run to the man and kneel in front of him before pulling him into my arms.




Although he is a bit surprised by my presence, his actions tell me that he doesn't need to see to know it is me when he wraps his arms around my neck instantly and starts crying his heart out on my shoulder. I want to ask him everything and anything so it can ease my helplessness at this point. Somehow, I don't seem to utter a word as I rock him in my arms like a baby.



Instead of crying along with him, I find myself becoming more and more angry at his lover, the man who caused this pain. No, I don't know if it is actually him or what and why Jae is in this state. I'm just sure that it could be nobody but Jung Yunho. Besides, I saw him walking out of here in rush. I swear, God help him, because I wouldn't know what I would do to him if I see him after all this.




I know it is wrong to think of my own feelings when he is in fact hurting because of something I don't know about. But why does it feel right to be this close to him, feeling our hearts beat at the same time? My heart aches at this small contact, bringing back old memories that I miss and dream of so much. Every time we hug, it has been a wonder to me how and why he fits in my arms perfectly, not that I complain. I'm completely fine with it and I even treasure it because nobody else fits in my arms like he does. How would my life be different if I could have him in my arms every day and any time whenever I feel the need of him?


I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts so I can focus on the man in my arms. He holds me as tight as ever, as if he never wants to let go. How I wish that is true, not just a thought of my crazy head. I start whispering in his ear, telling him it will be okay. I don't know how big and bad the situation is that happened earlier. I know for sure that from this moment on, everything will be okay because I'm here now and I don't plan on leaving until I settle this and beat the hell out of the person (probably, Jung Yunho) who is responsible.


Finally, the thousand tears stops falling out of his eyes as he lets go of me, letting unwelcome cool air in between our body. I'm anticipating to see his eyes for first time since I came only to be disappointed when he looks down at the ground, refusing to look me. I back away a little bit to give him some space and I ask, “what happened?”

~I wanna be the sun,
your stars, and your moon
I wanna be a hot summer day in June
I wanna be the smell
of your sweet perfume
I just wanna be close
I wanna be the seed
That bare ya life brand new
I wanna be the one
that's so faithful and true
I wanna be the man down that aisle
in that suit, yes
I just wanna be close (ohhh TK)~

The moment I ask that question, he gets up and heads for the kitchen like he didn't hear the question at all or is he ignoring it purposely . On the way, he keeps saying unnecessary things... “Would you like something to drink or eat? I'm sure you haven't had lunch yet. You know, I can make you your favorite food--” he goes on and on, losing me in the process because my mind isn't on food. I'm not surprised since I know he knows how much I love food and would do anything to get my hands on Jae's cooking. That, however, isn't the main thing on my mind, although I know what he is trying to do. He is trying to distract me and pretend like I haven't witness anything. Who's being stupid, me or him? I follow him any way and then watch him from the kitchen entrance as he goes back and fourth from the fridge, cabinet, sink, stove... etc.




It has been a long time since I've been able to watch JaeJoong doing his favorite activity of all time. All the silly one-touch games we used to play; arguments over nothing but food, the times we spent watching TV, almost all kind of concerts we used to go to, and the movies theater we went to after debating over what to watch for hours, stopped one by one. And we both know why. So, just standing here and watching him, brings back old memories, making my desire go deeper and deeper. I have to use all my strength to prevent myself from going behind him and holding him in my arms once more-- “He left,”he says breaking my never-ending thoughts

TBC

“He left,”he says breaking my never-ending thoughts. Not understanding why he is telling me that when it is obvious, I respond, “I know. I saw him leaving when I--”


“No, Max,” he says, surprisingly using the nick name he gave me when our friendship used to be strong and unbreakable. I don't know whether to be happy or sad so I let it pass... Then my mind instantly goes back to the meaning behind his response. What does he mean? “He left me as in walked out of my life,” he continues and I gasp, my mouth falls open, my eyes still stick to his back. I'm unable to find a word that could describe how I feel about this honestly. This is too sudden and unexpected news. I would have never guessed Yunho would do such thing.



Once again, my heart leads my body, taking me to where Jae stands. The moment I approach him, I wrap my arms around his waist. I rest my chin on his shoulder, holding him close to my chest like I haven't done all this time and yet wanted to for so long. I inhale and exhale the wonderful sense that I longed for very long time, that leaves me breathless for the moment. Am I blessed or what to be able to experience all these feelings in matter of hour? Needing to heal his broke heart, wanting him to hear what my heart is screaming about, wishing he could return my love, yearning to have him and hold him for as long as I live, and dreaming us being one heart. It is possible to hate and love at the same time? I hate him for being clueless all this time and I love him because that is who he is.



I feel bad for taking this situation to my advantage. Then again, I have lost my self-control long before I set foot in this place. At the same time, I feel like there is nothing more I can do at this moment but show him that I can be better. I, the one person who loves him very much, have been standing behind him all this time and he has been blinded by that person. One thing is that this man still has no idea what is going on in my heart. Why do I have to voice everything in order for him to know what is in my heart?


Seeing his face right now is useless because I know that he is crying silently. “I'm sorry.”


“Max, the man himself didn't bother to apologize so why would you?--”


God, can this get any worse, I say to myself before cutting him off. “No, JaeJoong, I'm not apologizing for him.”


He chuckles, his voice pricing through my heart. “Then what in the world are you apologizing for?”

I feel my heart beating furiously every second I breath. “I'm sorry. I am sorry for loving you.”


He chuckles louder this time as though I just told a funny joke. “I know, Max. You know and I love you, too,” he says, as if he understands what I'm trying to say.



If I have the power, I would gladly get into his brain and voice out exactly what I'm trying to say here. It is like he is not listening to my words carefully and I don't blame him because I'd understand. Right now, there is only one person on his mind and that is Jung Yunho. I know, even though the man has just walked out on him, he still loves him too much. No wonder I found him looking like he had lost more than just a person. In fact, now that I think about it, he looked like he had lost his twin, his other half.



Debating with myself, I come close to giving up. I think to myself... it is too late, too litter. I should change the whole confession into some kind of joke so that I would free myself from worries and upcoming heart wracking. I can do that by telling the man exactly what he thinks. Yet, the heart never gives up no matter how painful it is.




“Listen carefully, Jae,” I whisper without moving from my position. “I love you. I love you as in--” I pause, fear eating me inside. I feel like I'm going to die any second. “--I'm in love with you. I always have been and that is why I was angry with you at the news of your engagement.” There is no a response just like I feared. I slowly let go of him as much as I never want to lose the touch of him. He still shows no reaction as I back away, taking one step behind. I don't need to see his face to see his facial reaction. From his body's feeling against my chest, I can imagine shock, horror, surprise written all over his face, not that I expected less than this kind of reaction. He has the right to react in any way.


I part myself from his used to be warm and inviting body, feeling sick to my stomach when I realize how much I need him right at this moment. Just like that I'm already at the entrance of the kitchen where I previously stood while watching Jae. I look at him once more and whisper, “I'm sorry for loving you,” loud enough for him to hear. I turn around and head for the front door which is in the corner.


I wouldn't say I'm surprised there are no tears coming out my eyes because now my heart is free from pain, guilt, and regrets. And it is no wonder that I still find the strength to walk because I no longer carry all those loaded feelings that I have been carrying for years. Now there is not a secret in my heart that others don't know about because that secret has been shared with everyone, more specially with JaeJoong, the main person of all those hurt, pain, and trouble. I close the door behind me ignoring the pain in my heart. I once again start walking on the same street back to my place that I call home.


At first, I refused to open the door to my heart to anyone, even to JaeJoong. And now, remembering Yoochun-Hyung's advice, I open it to let him in today... only to be close back again when JaeJoong sends me with no response. And I know why... It is because I'm late, too late. Does that mean my heart won't be open if he ever decides come back?

~And even if the day turns into night
I will love you by candlelight
And even if the water starts to run over
I'll be there to put you on my shoulders (oh ya)
And if it's hard for you to get to sleep
I will sing you a melody,(yes i will)
I wanna feel this way
Till the end of time, cause I pray one day
That you will be mine~

Nope. Of course, not. My heart will always be open for him and only him. He is the only one in this world who has the key to my heart unless...he loses the key and decides to look for another soul. Even so, my love for him will live on until I rest in peace...



THE END!!!