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mumu's first fan ficiton. "look, see and love me" YOOSU first

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mumu's first fan ficiton. "look, see and love me" YOOSU first

Post by gunroughg on 7/4/2009, 4:40 pm

Standing behind him, his sweet scent swaying past my nostrils, clumsy movements of my lover that tugs at the corners of my lips. Why is it that in the most depressing moments, you cheer me up? Why is it that my life feels empty without you? Why is it that the happiest moments of my life includes you?
How come one word from you could break my heart? “No.”
One look from you crushes my heart? Look Of disgust.
A single movement rips apart my heart? Your arms pushing me away.
Is it because I’m too forward? Am I not good enough for you? You show your bluntness and masculinity day in day out just to assure everyone of your sexuality. Who are you really trying to prove to? You? Me? I’m sorry. This is all I can say, after all I have done to you. I just can’t help it all, when I see you I want to hold you, I want to kiss you and I want to touch you. I can’t hold it in like yunho, I can’t just be happy with your presence, your voice and your passing touches. I want more.
Closing in on you, making the distance between you and I shorter. My hot breath making an imprint on the back of your head. My heart beating like I’ve just run a mile. I slowly wrapped my arms around you, hands sliding against your thin t-shirt to get as close to your skin as I can. Nose buried in your spiky but soft hair, taking in deep breaths. Pulling you flush against me. Back to chest.
“ Yoochun, um….what are you doing? Is this like practice for gay fan service or sumthin?” junsu chuckled his dolphin laugh.
‘please Junsu, just a bit longer, this is the closest I can get to you, physically. I can barely reach your heart. Please, let me at least hold you like this, just a little bit longer. Just a little.’ Yoochun thought to himself.
“ um…ok, morning to you too! Now let go!” Junsu laughed nervously. Hearing the annoyance and the finality of junsu’s voice, yoochun reluctantly let go. Turning around and walked away from junsu. He clutched his chest, trying to ease the pains from his heart. He should’ve gotten used to it really, it’s been years since he first tasted junsu‘s rejection. But even now, yoochun would feel the pain emitting from the bottom of his heart.
“ yeah well, you know, my eyesight is going slightly, I thought you were a girl.” yoochun lied, looking at the floor and laughing. He looked up to see Junsu looking relived.
“ man you got to get your eyes checked! You been doing that for years now! Do I look like a girl that much? “ junsu asked, looking himself up and down, then looking at yoochun with a confused look.
“ well, your not gona like this. But your ass is pretty girly! It’s hot!” yoochun joked.
“Yah!!!” junsu shouted. Smacking yoochun’s head. Both of them laughed. If it were a outsider that saw this scene, they would believe that this is a happy scene between best friends. But the truth is, it’s a scene of a man’s desperation to be forever close to the one he truly love. If yoochun didn’t
Lie, didn’t act this way, he would be rejected and hated, even feared by junsu. ‘I can’t let that happen’ yoochun silently promised himself.
Sometimes, on screen, yoochun and junsu are reminded to give fan service in the shoots of shows. This could include touching, arms around each other or any lovey dovey things like that. So in their interviews or talk shows, yoochun is aloud to stroke junsu’s hair, lovingly star at him without trying to think up an excuse and to hug junsu unconditionally. These moments are yoochun’s happiest. But after the shoots, junsu would joke about what yoochun did and what he had to put up with. A thousand daggers would pierce his heart. But yoochun has always thought that it was worth it, just to be loved by him for a mere second. Yoochun then would of course join in with the jokes, sarcastically saying things he didn’t mean. But once, it went too far.
After the filming of “couple talk” interview and “making of a film” program. Junsu joked excessively about how yoochun had been too touchy. Too much skin ship. Yoochun agreed that that he did get carried away, how he placed his head on junsu’s shoulders, link arms with him at every opportunity and rubbing junsu’s thighs too many times. He also joked about it with junsu, how he was perhaps too horny because he hadn’t had a girlfriend for such a long time. But unlike usual, junsu criticized about it more than usual. This time, he joked about it even after they arrived home. Most members were too tired to tell junsu to shut up, but yoochun had enough. Once junsu was in his shared room with yoochun, still laughing about yoochun being the uke of the relationship, yoochun walked speedily towards junsu, who was about to open the wardrobe doors, and pushed junsu forcefully against it.
Junsu gasped in surprise. Yoochun giving him no time to object, spun junsu around and roughly planted his lips against junsu’s. still too astounded by yoochun’s actions, junsu stood still, frozen to the ground. Yoochun started kissing and sucking junsu’s neck, left hand reaching sneakily up his tormentor’s t-shirt, and the right hand rubbing hard against junsu’s crotch.
Without realising, junsu moaned. Although surprised by his own reaction, the pleasure was too strong. He closed his eyes as yoochun unzipped his jeans. Suddenly, without warning, yoochun turns junsu around, snaking a hand down his pants and kneading the soft erection with his palm. Fingers still pinching junsu’s nipples that are now hard. Yoochun licks junsu’s right ear shell, sending shivers down junsu’s spine. Huskily, yoochun whispers against junsu’s ear.
“ does this feel good? It seems to be pleasuring you. Why do you have to joke about my love to you. Those so called “ gay fan service” are the only times I am happy. You wana know why, because then I can at least pretend you love me, even if just a little bit. You think your such a man don’t you? So fucking obviously a heterosexual. Parading it around like some kind of warning.”
Junsu groaned as yoochun’s hands began to pump hard at his erection. Confused and delirious from the pleasure, he is unable to talk, walk or even think. Is he too scared to, or too angry to?
While yoochun continued to whisper “ how manly do you feel now huh? I’m pumping your cock. Me, a man. Not just a man, but your best friend. Just look at you, your so hard your dick is turning red. You like this don’t you. Just admit it, your gay, you like me.”
“no…..ahh.. I’m not. Yoochun stop…ah…mmnn stop.” junsu begged.
“ you do, you love me like I love you. Just admit it. Why won’t you admit it.” yoochun shouted crazily. Then he whispered in to junsu’s ears the words that he has been hiding and imprisoning for the past 5 years. “ I think about you all the time. You are the love of my life. I can’t love anyone else, I love you more than I love music. I’ve tried so hard to stop loving you, I’ve tried everything. One night stands, alcohol and even burying my self in work but I can’t. see what you have done to me? You‘ve make me pitiful and weak. Every little thing you do make me happy or sad. My life, you hold my life in your hands. I love you so much.” yoochun kisses junsu’s neck lovingly, “ I love you kim junsu.”
“ ahh……mnn..yoochun I’m sorry. Ahhh….stop. Please!” but did junsu want this to stop? Not just yoochun’s evil manuverings but also his confession. Junsu felt giddy, his orgasm was piling up at the pit of his stomach, he can feel his muscle clamping down. Junsu desperately tried to think about other things that would stop him from cumming, anything, anything at all. Including imagining yoochun thrusting his big hard dick in to his own tiny tight hole. But why does that make him want to cum more?
Yoochun stopped his hand movements after hearing junsu pleading. His anger rose and sadness washed over him. He wanted to make junsu feel the same way. He wanted junsu to love him like he does. The only way at the moment he can think about is to make junsu love him.
He removed his fingers from junsu’s nipples, licked it, covered it with saliva. Then he continued to pump junsu’s dick, as if pumping for gold. Then reached with his left hand, sliding past junsu’s pants and past his plump butt cheeks to his puckered hole. Yoochun pushed his finger in.
Junsu’s eyes opened wide and fear started to infect his whole body and brain. Yoochun was much stronger than him, even though he plays less sports. Scared of he would do, junsu cried out “ yoochun please, no, please. Stop it please.” his knuckles whiten as he clenched his fists.
Yoochun pumped harder on junsu’s painfully erect member, twisting at the bottom and touching the tip of his erection. This brings more pleasure to junsu, shivering with ecstasy, junsu rests his head against the wardrobe, giving up on trying to plead with yoochun.
Yoochun inserts another finger in to junsu’s tight heated hole, rubbing the insides and searching for the sweet nub.
“ ahhh…..ha ha ……no…..mnnnn …..HAH!” junsu moaned out loud as yoochun strike his prostate. He’s never tasted his kind of mind numbing pleasure. He’s hasn’t gone very far with woman, so he has nothing to compare this to, but this felt so good.
“love me junsu, love me back. Look at yourself, doesn’t’ this show you that you love me? Love su, please.” yoochun persuaded.
Although this was like revenge, yoochun couldn’t help falling in love with junsu all over again. He loved how he was making the one he loved so aroused. He loved the moans that were radiating from junsu’s short breaths. This was turning him on so much, his jeans feels like it’s shrunk by 2 sizes. It was getting really painful.
“ yoochun, stop…..ahhh……I’m cum….no….mnn…AHHHHHHH” junsu screamed as he cummed over yoochun’s hands, it felt like an explosion within him. Out of breath and weak. Junsu rested against the wardrobe and yoochun, sandwiched between them. However, yoochun wiped junsu’s cum on to his hole and continued to force more fingers in to junsu’s hole. The fourth finger was painful. It was pain beyond any that junsu has ever felt.
“noo….it ..hurts. Yoochun stop, please…..stop…ah..pain…” junsu begged. But yoochun continued to thrust his fingers in. finally, can’t take it anymore, junsu started to cry, silent tears collected at the bottom of his eyes and slide down his cheeks.
Yoochun was at his limit, his crotch was aching for junsu’s tight haven. He turned junsu around to face him. While unzipping his jeans to release his member. Breathing a sigh of relief, he looked up at junsu.
It was like someone punched yoochun in the stomach. He saw junsu’s tears and how he shivered from head to toe. Junsu’s fear was so strong that it knocked yoochun back. He staggered back and stared at junsu. What has he done? What was he thinking?
‘I’m so sorry junsu. My love, my soul. What have I done to you. I’m so very sorry. Miahne.’ with this last thought, yoochun ran out of the room, out of the front door in to the streets. Grabbing a jacket and zipping his jeans up before he left. Surprisingly, his erection was no longer there.
Junsu was left standing against the wardrobe, crying from his ordeal. No sound was made, but fast and rapid tears rolled down his soft skin. He slide down the wardrobe and hugged his knees, burying his face in to his arms.
There is no questioning that what yoochun done would scar junsu for life. But would it be a scar on the surface that will quickly heal, or a scar so deep that it reaches his heart?

gunroughg

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YUNJAE part 1

Post by gunroughg on 7/4/2009, 4:42 pm

An ocean’s distance between two souls, unable, no, incapable of separating. Why is it that the closer the souls are, the further apart they feel? Why is it that the more glances I steal from you, the more alone I feel? Why is it that I see you everyday without being able to fill the empty void in my heart. My soul, my heart, my body aches for your looks, words and touch. I would be happier if you tore me apart with your bare hands, just so I can die in your arms. Without you, there is no life.

You stare at me when you think I’m not looking. Your hands graze my skin when your standing behind me. Some nights you trace my face, my lips, nose and eyes with your fingers when you thought I was asleep. But I’m not, I feel every touch. I enjoy every touch. How I wish beyond life that you would tell me how you really feel. Let me love you and care for you.

“ hyung! I’m hungry, cook me something!” changmin called out to the oldest member.
“ yah! What am I? your cook? Do you pay me? I’m telling you now changmin, I aint cheap! At least 10000 yen per hour!!! You hear me?” jaejong shouted back.
“ sorry hyung, it’s just your usually so happy to cook, even when your tired. What’s wrong? Is something on your mind?” changmin replied.
‘ yes something is wrong, everything is wrong. I feel like I’m drowning. I can hardly breath at night. I want him so much, sometimes I wish I never joined this band. The aches, the pains. I can’t live with it anymore. Yunho, help.’
“ No, nothings wrong. I just didn’t get much sleep. Sorry.” jae lied. He tried to put on a fake smile, he sighed deeply. Staring back at changmin, he forces himself to say, “ I’ll make you something now, what do you want to eat? Kimba or ramen?”
“ hyung. Are you sure your ok? You can tell me, it’ll feel better if you let it out.” changmin worried
‘would it really be better if I say that I love yunho? Would you really understand that I am deeply in love with our leader? How I am trapped and imprisoned. How I feel like someone is slicing my heart out every time he ignores me or backs away cause I’m too close to him?’

“Changmin, if you don’t say what you want, I’m just gona cook anything for you, including …. Wait, you don’t hate any type of food! God, how am I going to blackmail you in the future?” jae flashes his fake smile.
“ hyung, I really think y…”
“ we’re back! Omg, I am so tired. How can someone be this tired?” junsu interrupted changmin. Junsu peeks his head in to the kitchen door. “ hyung! I knew you’d be here. I’m so hungry, make me something pleeeeez!” junsu cooed.
“ alright alright, go ask others if they want to eat something. I might as well prepare something for everyone” jae looked at the clock, it was already 2 am. He sighed. They always come home this late, whether because of photo shoots, dramas or television shows. Every muscle hurts, eyes looking fatigued and brains are completely shut down.

“ you do it hyung, I need the toilet, been holding it in since the beginning of the shoot!” junsu confessed. Jae shakes his head in disapproval, but this is what they do. They starve before shoots and try not to go to the toilet just because it might ruin their image. Completely opposite of what others believe, jae thinks of the sad life they lead.
Jae obeys what junsu tells him to do, he asks yoochun if he is hungry, even though he knows the answer. But when it came to asking the same question to yunho, jae’s heart start to pump, harder and harder as he walks slowly to his bedroom. He knocks quietly, no reply. He knocks harder, “ come in.” yunho replied. Jae opens the door and looks in to the room. There stands yunho, in his boxer shorts. White pure towel in hand, drying his hair. His torso defined, his skin tanned and his back seems so welcoming, that jae wants to hold him.

“ oh, hyung! What’s up?” Yunho asked, finally realising it was jae who knocked on the door. Knocking Jae out of his stance. It was common to see each member either semi-naked or completely stark naked in the lonely days of Japan. But even so, every time jae sees yunho naked, he feels blood rushing to his face, his temperature rises and his trousers surprisingly tight.
“ just wanted to ask you if your hungry.” jae slurred.
“ yeah that’d be great!” yunho reached for his body lotion. Jae stared to walk away when, “ hyung, can you put cream on my back? I can’t reach there.”
Jae flushed even redder. He nodded and walked to his one true love. Hands shaking, he squeezed lotion on his palm, evened it across his hands and then pressed them on to yunho’s tanned skin. The bumps on his spine, the hardness of his muscles and softness of his skin made jae shiver. How he wanted to turn yunho around and kiss him, how he wished he could kiss his back and how he wished yunho were thinking the same things in his heart. Was he?
Yes. Every stroke of jae’s porcelain white hands made yunho more and more aroused. Muscles taunt in frustration. He wanted to moan when jae’s hands neared his rear and how he wanted to scream how much he loves this gentle being behind him. Jae stopped, yunho turned to see why he stopped. But jae also turned the other way, to hide his dangerously heavy tears. For over 3 years now, this was the closest he could get to yunho, one of the very few places he could touch yunho. When will he be able to kiss this heavenly man who is haunting his dreams, thoughts and body? Jae stifled a sob.
“ It’s done. I’ll go cook now.” jae quickly walked out of the room, leaving a equally hurt yunho behind.

The very next night, yunho came home near midnight. Drunk from the many bottles of soju he consumed. He thought he could handle the amount he was given, but his friends just kept adding more and more. Of course he couldn’t reject to his friends. He staggered back home, fumbing with his keys at the door, not sure whether to use the gold or silver key. What colour was it again? Yunho giggled to himself. Woah, how come I’m seeing 2 keys when I’m holding one in my hand? Hee hee, good old soju. Generous provider of comidy to human beings.
Suddenly the door opened, jae held the door looking at the intoxicated yunho. Back hardly straight and his eyes are unfocused. Yunho fell forward, jae caught him just in time.
“ yunho, how did you get this drunk? Usually you don’t drink. Ever since we debuted, you hardly touched alchol unless necessary. What happened?” jae asked, as he dragged yunho inside, closing the door with his feet and helping yunho to get to the nearest bed. Yunho didn’t answer, instead he grunted as he hit the bed. He wraped the bed covers around him and went to sleep.
“yunho, you should at least take your shoes off. Here I’ll help you.” jae unlaced yunho’s shoes and took them off one by one, then slipped his soaks off.
He unrolled the bed covers from yunho, earning himself a unhappy grunt from yunho. Jae unbuttoned his shirt which stank of soju, and lifted yunho off his back to take it off. Then he unbuttoned yunho’s jeans and unzipped it. Going to the end of the bed, he pulled at the trouser legs to take off the jeans, reviling yunho’s boxers. Jae blushed at his actions and the half naked yunho lying on the bed. Many dirty thoughts crossed his mind, making jae blush even more and for blood to flow to his crotch. He shook his head, shaking away the thoughts and covered yunho in the bed sheets. One last look at the serine and peacefull looking yunho, he walked away. This is the best he can do, look at him, think of him. Never anything more.

gunroughg

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Chaper 3, "Just a dream"

Post by gunroughg on 7/9/2009, 8:15 am

Morning came like every day. Shining its glory to cheer up despairing hearts. Tossing and turning all night has left dark circles on Jaejoong’s eyes. The site of Yunho so vulnerable and …..naked made it impossible for Jaejoong to sleep well. Once he closes his eyes, all he can see is the image of Yunho lying on the bed, with only small boxer shorts on and his contorted face from the alcohol. Overnight, somehow, the image of Yunho changed gradually. His face was now contorted with ecstasy, screaming out Jaejoong’s name. the look of complete lust and love covering Yunho’s facial features. Then there is the boxer shorts, as the hours went by, the shorts shrunk little by little, accentuating Yunho’s crotch area, making everything under those pants practically visible. Then the image changed to Yunho being handcuffed to the bed post, or his arms would stretch out for Jaejoong. The image roamed around in his mind through the night, Jaejoong changing the image to his need. Oh how hard it is to sleep when you are this……hard. Jae came 4 times this night, slipping his hands down to his erect member, softly rubbing it’s sides and his inner thigh. Slowly rotating in a circular motion towards his pucker. Catching a gasp when his hands finally arrived. His left hand pumped his erection as his right teased his hole. As his hand stroked the tip of his member, his other hand entered his hole, inserting one finger at a time.
Jaejoong kept his image of Yunho in his head, imaging that it was Yunho who was thrusting his hard big cock in to him. Jae imagines that Yunho is sucking his nipples and Yunho’s tongue is slowly traveling up his neck, leaving a trail of shimmering moisture. Beads of sweat seeps out of his skin, Eyes always on Jae and his hands caressing every strand of pain away. Nearing climax, Jae screamed Yunho’s name in him mind, screaming those 3 tender words at Yunho. Jae imagines that Yunho says it back to him. This pushes him over the edge as he cums all over his own hands. Puffing from the pleasure, Jae opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. No Yunho, just him. No words were spoken and his lover did not just make love to him. Dreams are all Jae has. Imagination is Jae’s one salvation. But it’s just not enough.
His hearts clamps down as the heart breaking sensation currents through his body once more like many other times. It feels like his heart is squeezed, the centre of his hands are punctured and his whole body aching for something that does not exist. A heavy tear slides down lazily from Jae’s eyes. Slowly making their way to the pillow. Then more followed. How long can Jaejoong last in this place? Where his dreams will never be answered.
Jaejoong pushed himself up from exhaustion. After all he was in charge of breakfast this morning. He pushes in to a top and black jeans that might be too tight for him. But today Jae doesn’t really notice. He brushes his teeth and washes his face, wiping the traces of his tears away; he doesn’t want others to know he’s been crying. He stares at his reflection in the mirror.
‘How pitiful you look. Look at yourself, your nothing to him so forget about him! What is wrong with you? Pull yourself together! You’re a man! Men don’t cry!’ Jaejoong thought to himself. Placing his hands on the clear white marble sink, he looked deep in to his own eyes. ‘you can do this. Like every day, you can do this.’ After a few seconds, Jae looked down, dropping his head and allowing it to sway. No he can’t do this. He can’t hold on for much longer. Every breath is strained, every movement is heavy. Funny how unrequited love can do such a thing for people. Loving someone this much, for this long and not to have it returned is hard. But to live with this person and practically spend 24 hours a day with him is harder. How can he ever expect himself to heal his wounds? The first thing he sees in the morning is Yunho.
Yunho is in his sight.
Yunho is in his ears.
Yunho is in his mind.
Yunho is in his heart. Such infatuation, is it curable?
The pain never seems to subside. This is going to destroy him. it’s tearing him apart from the inside. Piece by piece.

“Morning Junsu! You’re up so early! Did you knock your head on the cupboard and forget who you are?” Jae joked. Junsu liked people to tease him, and people liked to tease him. It somehow brought people closer to him and each other.
Junsu didn’t reply, he silently walked to the table and sat down like a good little boy. Elbows on the table, hands supporting his head. Deep in thought. “ Junsu? …..what do you want to eat? The usual?” Jaejoong tried again. This was not Junsu. Normally the real Junsu would be the last one to come out of his room in the morning, he would either be excited about a show they do that day or moan about how Yoochun’s music disturbed his sleep again.
Once again no reply. Silence filled the bright cheery kitchen.
“ Junsu?” Jae called as he walk towards Junsu, wiping his hands on the apron that fans tenderly knit. “are you ok? Did you not sleep well again?” Jae looked up. “ where is that Park Yoochun?” Jae angry and confused, looked around for his fellow band mate, but he is nowhere to be seen.
“Yoochun? Yoochun did nothing. We didn’t do anything. I don’t feel anything for him! Why would I know where he is? Ha, Hyung don’t ask weird questions. I don’t know where he is. He did nothing to me!” then as if whispering to himself. “Nothing.” Such a exaggerated and crazy rush of a reply shocked Jaejoong. Junsu never talked to anyone like this before. It’s like he is crazy or sleep talking. Jae looked at Junsu, now hands shaking, pushing his fingers in to his dry clean hair. Jae pressed a palm over Junsu’s forehead.
“Shit Junsu. You have a fever. Why didn’t you say something? You were fine yesterday! What did you do, or eat?” worried Jaejoong.
“I…I I just had a lot of cold showers. I had to scrub… had to get rid of …he…I didn’t. Do I have …?” Junsu stuttered. His sentences didn’t make a word of sense to Jaejoong. He took his car keys from the glass bowl. He wrote a note on the kitchen table and sent a text message to his manager to let him know. Jae grabbed Junsu to go to the hospital.”No! No! I don’t… I don’t I …..I…” Junsu held on to Jae’s arm, refusing to go but not coherently tell him why.
“ Junsu we have to go. You’re hallucinating from the fever. Come on, lean on my shoulders and we’ll go to the hospital.” Lowering himself, Jae tired to lift Junsu.
“No! I have to see him. I have to explain. He needs to explain. I can’t go without telling him how sorry I am. Hyung find him for me.” Staring up at Jae with tired but frantic eyes.
“Ok, ok, I will. Lets go to bed first ok. We’ll get you a nice hot water bottle and I will go and look for him. come on Junsu.” With no reply, Junsu let Jae take him in to his bedroom and tuck him in. eyes closed, eye brows frowning. Junsu tired to fall asleep. Jae put Yoochun’s duvet over Junsu as well as his own. In a fever, the best natural treatment is to sweat. Tucking him in as tight as possible. Jae left the room. Now all he has to do is to find ‘him’. There is no doubt who ‘he’ is.

gunroughg

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Re: mumu's first fan ficiton. "look, see and love me" YOOSU first

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